“Is this really a relationship I should stay in?” I get this question several times a week from women who are feeling a sense of turmoil in their current relationship. If you are a woman who has come to a crossroads in your relationship and are trying to determine whether or not you are with the right man, there are some fundamental and foundational things for you to consider.
Here are some things to help you know if you are wasting our time on the wrong man:
1. Trust your woman’s intuition, but most importantly seek God for discernment. This does not mean your intuition is right all of the time, because it will not be. You must remove distractions from your life and willfully open your ear to the Lord.
2. He only takes you out in an attempt to have sex with you or get you to act impulsively. This is one of the reasons not having sex is important. It will eliminate men who only seek you for companionship and sex. However, if you are a woman seeking sex and companionship with men because you have an unavailable heart, then you will attract the wrong men.
3. He treats you differently in front of other people. This means behind closed doors he is so loving and kind, but amongst friends or family he is very distant and making sure everyone thinks you are platonic friends.
4. He tells you clearly he is fresh out of a relationship and just wants a friend with no commitment. If you are seeking marriage, this is not the man for you. Even if you are not seeking marriage, this is not a situation you should enter into (or remain in).
5. A man who wants to string you along. There are a lot of men who will not desire a commitment, but he will desire something from you. Do not think this only applies when a man is fresh out of a relationship and in danger of being in a rebound relationship. There are many reasons a man may not be open to a relationship. So, be mindful of your needs and do not allow yourself to be strung along.
6. The man who doesn’t prioritize you now is NEVER going to prioritize you. This doesn’t mean you get all of his time, but a man who is interested will make or develop some time to get to know you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect his livelihood. A man with interest will put forth effort, but he will also expect your participation.
7. If you’re hanging in there with the wrong guy, you will never find the right guy.
Closing Thought: Please know, it is important to seek God’s guidance in all decisions. Before you react to emotions or seek advice from all of your friends, you must learn to go to Him with the situation. The truth of the matter is, whether you continue in the relationship or end it, you need the comforting love of Christ. He has to provide you with the support that no one else can give. You are hurting now. He heals. Let Him be your guide.