The Many Tiers of Rape Culture

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end_rape_img-fRape culture has many forms and not just the sexual assault kind one sees on the news, where the perpetrators are given 25 years to life for brutal attacks if caught and convicted. Rape culture has an array of forms, and the tiers can go from subliminal and advance to critical levels.

The lowest layer on the rape culture chart starts off with victimization, which has several forms alone. Victimization shows up as unwanted touching in a non-sexual way, the disclosure of private details about one’s sexual life that one didn’t ask to be a part of, could be deemed as inappropriate. Rape jokes, homophobia/transphobia, locker room talk, sexist attitudes, and victim blaming. I’m sure we all know someone whether in the work place, or in our private lives that have been known to exhibit the victimization tiers of rape culture.

Level II of rape culture is degrading someone, like catcalls. When someone is in public, that person should not be subjected to catcalls. Let people go to their destination, without others impeding on them by flapping their gums. I can’t stand when the weather gets a little warm, and that give individual(s) (men) the license to start the enhancement of cat calling to monumental levels. If one does participate in catcalling, one is also participating in rape culture. Sending someone an unsolicited picture of one’s sexual anatomy is another form of rape culture. If they didn’t ask to see a picture of one’s private parts, don’t send it! Of course, the situation in the club or any other public space where one thinks it’s a good idea to grope someone, without his or her consent is also a part of rape culture.

Level III of rape culture intensifies, this tier represents the phenomena that have been around for a while now, but has been recently getting a lot of attention, which is when a man covertly removes a condom during sexual intercourse, without the consent of the person they are having sex with at the time. Condom removal without the other person’s consent is never okay. In the present, politicians are looking to put laws of this nature on the books, to address it. Statutory rape is also an action that we should know is part of the intensifying levels of rape culture. The excuse that one didn’t know that he/she was 15 at the time of sexual intercourse is not going to fly. One may be convicted of statutory rape and will be required to register as a sex offender for the rest of their lives, even after serving time in jail if applicable. One better makes sure that the person that they are engaged in sexual intercourse with is of legal age, in their state (which varies). Sexual coercion is also part of level III of rape culture. Pressing someone to have sex is part of the dimension of rape culture. If one has to pressure someone to have sex, then it says a lot about you, and mainly that you are a sexual predator.

Level IV is the last level of rape culture, which is explicit violence. Actions like rape are the most violent out of the definitions. I also want to make it clear, that having sex with someone who is intoxicated and can’t give clear consent is also rape. When one commits acts of battery, incest, and murder that can also be characterized as part of rape culture.

Now that one has understood (hopefully) all the definitions from lowest to highest; it’s important that no matter how low the tier is, participating in any of these actions means one is contributing to rape culture. Lastly, if one sees their friends groping, cat calling, making rape jokes, talking about having sex with intoxicated victims, one should check their friends, etc or you also become part of the problem.

Works cited:

http://www.11thprincipleconsent.org

-Ms Scripture

Just blogging for the masses, ya dig?

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When Your Man Cheats, What to Do? Sleep With the Side-Piece Too!

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CheatingI have recently said that Facebook has been all about sharing too much information. I read all types of status updates from various folks, that make me wonder why they are on social media pouring their hearts out. Instead, they should be seeking the assistance of a therapist. I ran across a status update that my FB friend Jett posted. He has been receiving numerous private messages from his FB friends seeking advice anonymously and we respond to the messages Jett receives that he posts on his status. This one had to be one of the most bizarre scenarios that I have encountered. The original message was edited to clean up the short hand and other errors:

So my dude been cheating with this chick for a minute and like a dummy I stayed. However, I wanted to find out who the woman was who been keeping my man away. So, I checked his phone went through messages and bingo! To make a long story short, I started sleeping with the girl myself. The both of them don’t know who I am to the other, but it’s time that they knew. How do you think I should break it to them? I’ve been contemplating having her over and letting him bust us. Of course, I would remove all the knives and stuff first.

I got one word for this entire situation, which is messy. I don’t even know where to begin, as I dissected this entire scenario I can’t come up with a rational explanation why someone would want to put themselves in this predicament in the first place. Number one, why would anyone want to sleep with the side-piece their man is currently getting busy with? That is beyond disgusting, disturbing, demeaning and downright disastrous. I had to throw in all the D’s for this person who also appears to be delusional to think the outcome of her plan would be anything but peaceful.

I come to the realization some folks love drama. From the very beginning, all she had to do was leave the relationship, when she found out her man was cheating. Instead, she wanted to play along and now is sleeping with the side-piece. I guess the term if you can’t beat them join them rings true with this situation. Someone who is mature and love themselves would never succumb to that irrational way of thinking and would have just cut their losses. I guess that is why we hear countless stories of folks getting into violent confrontations with a spouse and mistress. It is not worth the stress that is about to be evoked on all the parties involved. Then again, her man might take this as an opportunity to knock two birds with one stone so to speak and request that all three get it on. wink  Regardless, this is something one could hear about on Jerry, but then again with the way relationships are these days – nothing surprises me anymore.

-Ms Scripter

Just blogging for the masses, ya dig?

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Side-eye Alert: Female Correction Officer Is Impregnated by Inmate

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NEW YORK – I watched the news the other night, and came across the story of Nancy Gonzalez a federal correction officer, who lost her job, due to her sexual innuendos with Ronnel Wilson – a convicted cop killer. What makes this story, so compelling is not only would this young woman sacrificed her career, but she did it in order to become pregnant, so that the death penalty would be taken off the table, for her convicted felon lover. Now Gonzalez will be having a baby, by someone who will never see the light of day.

I can guarantee, Wilson used her because he had a personal agenda – which was to avoid the death penalty. Wilson can still face the death penalty for his heinous act of shooting two undercover detectives, as a jury will convene to figure out his fate.

Gonzalez was subsequently arrested for her unfortunate choice in men. Gonzalez was charged with intentionally engaging in a sexual act with an inmate.  I always wanted to know, what would compel a young woman to have a sexual relationship with an inmate? In all honesty, this is an ongoing issue in the prison system, where both men and women have sex with inmates. In Gonzalez case, she picked the wrong inmate to play the sexual game with, during her midnight tour.

“I took a chance because I was so vulnerable and wanted to be loved, and now I am carrying his child,” Gonzalez said, according to court papers.

Did Gonzalez ever heard of Christian Mingle or Match.com? What would she tell that child, when he/she is born about their father? Oh your daddy was a cop killer, and I got desperate for love and affection, so I had sex with him. Dr. Phil will need to interject in that conversation. I guess not, now she will be familiar with jail inside of a cell, instead of patrolling outside of it, if convicted. It is rare to find a judge who likes anyone, who sympathizes with a convicted cop killer. Even Steve Harvey would have told her to make better decisions when it comes to selecting men, and that is not saying much.

-Ms Scripter

Just blogging for the masses, ya dig?

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Black Singles: 15 Common Relationship Mistakes We All Make

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We all make mistakes in life, but I feel we often repeat a lot of the same mistakes from one relationship to the next. I think this happens because we fail to take personal responsibility for who we are and we think, eventually, it will work because “it’s not me it’s them”! Well, you are wrong my friend.
If the same thing continues to happen, you are the common denominator. So, simply changing dating partners will not change the mistakes you continue to make. Always turn the mirror around on yourself and be accountable for who and what you are, so you can identify the root cause of your issues. The root cause of it all is where you must heal.
Here are 15 common relationship mistakes we all make:
1. Rebound Relationships. This simply means you are rushing into a new relationship before you are ready. Remember, a rebound relationship may numb your pain, but it delays your healing.

2. Having sex or having sex too soon. Getting naked will get you everything, but a ring. If you expect to meet people with pure motives to love and be committed to you, sex should not be a casual or lustful event. Sex blurs the lines and negatively affects your decision making about the person, because you start to view things from a lustful and emotional perspective. No sex gives you the opportunity to get to know someone without the sexual ties and confusion sex can bring.
3. Emotional decision making. God leads you with wisdom. Emotions drive you off a cliff. Nothing is wrong with emotion, but it can’t be used in decision making.

4. Judging character based on money, looks, or success. Remember, character is more important than money, looks, or success. True stability comes from excellent character.

5. Focusing so much on the ex that you miss your next.

6. Having sex with your ex. How can you expect to attract the right person when your character is flawed? How can you expect to meet the right person when you’re still dipping in your candy jar? You have to close one door before you open another.

7. Dating to fulfill aloneness. When you date to fulfill aloneness, in the end, you still end up alone because your motives are wrong. Seeking out empty relationships simply to fulfill a deep emotional wound only leads to other wounds. You dated and used people in hopes of having love, but all you really got was sex, a broken heart, disappointment, STD and (in some cases) an unwanted pregnancy. What affect did this unwanted pregnancy have on your life?

8. Don’t follow your heart. Lead your heart.

9. Trying to change people. None of us can change anyone, only God can. However, we can be a great catalyst to change. Lead by example.

10. Thinking a relationship is the answer to your pain or problem.

11. Expecting what you can’t or are not willing to give. Don’t expect someone to be loving, kind, financially stable, honest, a servant of God, and patient when you can’t love unconditionally, you are not financially stable, you don’t serve God, and you are not patient. Remember, having your way in a relationship is not love. That is called selfishness.

12. Selfishness. The   Bible teaches us that we must die to the flesh daily. We all are naturally bent towards being selfish. However, this is why we must die to the flesh daily and work hard to be selfless on a daily basis, when it comes to sharing with others. Selfishness is the complete opposite of love.

13. You don’t know how to love or lack full understanding of its operation.

14. You appear desperate or don’t value yourself, thus you attract people looking to take advantage of you.
15. Staying in long –term relationships more than three years. If two people can’t get married after three years, it’s time to mutually agree to let the relationship go. The exception is if there are some special issues that prevent marriage (e.g. need to pay off debt, finish school, need to save up more money before marriage, etc…). Don’t drag relationships out where it’s clear someone is with you or you are with them waiting on someone else to come along. It’s bad character and you are setting yourself up for hurt. Remember, we all reap what we sow.

What relationship mistakes have you made?

 

[Source]

-Quentin

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Locker Room Talk: How a Man REALLY Thinks! Part II

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Part II

1. Beautiful versus sexy. Most women think that a woman who introduces herself is either desperate or overly aggressive, and neither are things that men look for and to some degree; this is true. However, aggression is something that is necessary to make a relationship work. It’s sexy. Moreover, sexy women get their man. Now I want to make a point of clarification here because the word sexy has been queer eyed to the point that it is not even usable in male vernacular. Therefore, I am going to bring sexy back to its original definition. A sexy woman is a woman who gives off the impression to a man that if left alone with him for any amount of time she would have sex with him. A woman that looks like she wants and enjoys sex as much as men do and will be as active as a man during sex as he is. Whether or not that notion is true, women who are sexy are easy to spot. They are the girls who you see in the street with an attractive guy and you ask yourself “How did she get him?” Usually women equate the answer to her putting out early and often. Whether or not that’s true is on the couple. However, let me make a bold statement. Men want to feel wanted and desired. Sound familiar? I’ve heard that one from many women who marry or are in relationships with guys who work in high stress jobs and have high stress paychecks that those women don’t mind spending at all. But the guy spends a lot of time away from her. Yeah, men want to feel as if the woman they are with wants to ravage him every once in a while and like most of you when you find a man that doesn’t entirely fit your mind profile but makes you feel sexy and wanted you will be with that person and sometimes marry the person like one or two men will. It doesn’t matter if she isn’t beautiful. In the end, a beautiful woman is just that: beautiful. A sexy woman is not always unbelievably attractive. They look good, don’t get me wrong, just not amazing. But they, while not introducing themselves always they give you a look that says, “I don’t mind that your staring at my ass, If I were you I’d stare at my ass too.” To put it another way they look at sex and relationships through the same logical process we men do. It takes the guesswork out of trying to figure her out and makes being ourselves easier. That is why they get and in some cases keep their man.

Nathaniel Daley aka DaleyBread

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